02 September 2004 * 11:30
So William signed into Yahoo and we were able to IM this morning (and yes I had him labeled all mushy like that on my IM list). Let me just post the conversation:
Stephee: HEY
Stephee: Please tell me you are getting this.
My William, My Love : hey a little computer problem
My William, My Love : nothing major
Stephee: oh yeah?
Stephee: can you please call me
My William, My Love : is ok now
Stephee: ok
My William, My Love : whats going on
Stephee: I have been to the doctor and they are sending me for some tests
My William, My Love : ???????
Stephee: something about my liver
Stephee: i am scared and wanted to hear your voice i guess
My William, My Love : is that what you wanted to talk about
Stephee: yeah
My William, My Love : what are they saying
Stephee: what did you think it was about?
Stephee: Liver enzymes are high enough for him to send me for an unltrasound
My William, My Love : i didnt know
Stephee: and i am going for a sleep apnea test but the guy said i have it
Stephee: so that will be fixed
My William, My Love : like we didnt know that you had that lol
Stephee: LOL
Stephee: I did want to ask you something else.
My William, My Love : i dont know how you took my last email it might have sounded snappy but i didnt mean to
My William, My Love : what
Stephee: Why did you email Rachel when she made it clear last time she didn't want to be contacted by you. And when you knew it hurt me so much last time.
Stephee: She sent it to me and said as she prmoised she wouldn't contact you.
My William, My Love : i didnt
Stephee: She forwarded it to me
My William, My Love : i tried to email here mom
Stephee: with her email address?
Stephee: why?
My William, My Love : its the only one i know
Stephee: They are a part of a past that needs let go.
Stephee: And the email said how are your mom and brother
Stephee: That really hurts me you know.
My William, My Love : they will always be a part of my past and they treated me better than anyone else at the time they trusted me like no elese had until i met you and it meant the world to me so youll have to try to understand that
Stephee: Do you still have feelings for Rachel?
My William, My Love : of course not
Stephee: ok
Stephee: Not that I want you to tell me every move you make, but when it comes to them, I wish youwould run it by me so I know.
My William, My Love : but you have understand that they were a big part of my live for a few years
Stephee: Because I reached a point after reading that, where we thought I was going to be put in the hospital. I understand that. I was the same way with Jeff's Mom.
My William, My Love : my mom and hers talk from time to time and she asks about US and i wanted her to know that i was ok
My William, My Love : her = mom
Stephee: Well your Mom has passed on the message. She saw Rachel not long ago. And she went on about how uncomfortable Rachel was talking about you.
My William, My Love : look what she got rid of lol
Stephee: So out of consideration for Rachel, shouldn't you kind of steer clear. You know everyone passes info on to her.
Stephee: It just brought back all those bad feelings about myself and I sat here wondering where I went wrong.
My William, My Love : i dont know who talks to her but you know how info gets screwed up
Stephee: I thought we were doing so good, and you still emailed her. I asked Rachel if she wanted the 3 of us to try to be friends and she said no. She wants us not to be in contact with her.
Stephee: I have crazy pills now though
My William, My Love : well isnt that nice
My William, My Love : .doesnt do me any good
My William, My Love : send me some lol
Stephee: it does and you just don't know it
Stephee: LOL
Stephee: i am on zoloft again
Stephee: woohoo
My William, My Love : ah good ol zoloft
Stephee: Yep
Stephee: the other makes me sleep
My William, My Love : i read an article in a mens health magizine
My William, My Love : is was about a supplement fo a problem i think i have
Stephee: the liver thing...can be anything from a virus to heart disease to cancer
Stephee: OK, what?
My William, My Love : great
Stephee: yeah i know
Stephee: what is the problem and what is the supplement
My William, My Love : a "male" problem
Stephee: mm, ok
My William, My Love : im not sure its even a problem but i think so
My William, My Love : its supposed to enhance performance
Stephee: LOL, your performance is fine
My William, My Love : i dont think so
Stephee: what do you think is wrong?
My William, My Love : this is embarassing as hell
Stephee: why? I am your wife. No such thing as embarrassing.
My William, My Love : its a guy thing
Stephee: Is this when you stand up and pee on something to mark your turf?
Stephee: LOL
My William, My Love : not excataly
Stephee: Do you think you don't last long enough or something?
My William, My Love : a marine with a prolem like this makes it worse
My William, My Love : how long before you know about the test
Stephee: Why? If it is a sex thing, then no one should know out there. There shouldn't be any sex
Stephee: I am waiting on them to find me a place that takes Tricare
My William, My Love : a marine with any problem is a bad thing
Stephee: then they will make me an appointment and let me know
Stephee: same with the sleep thing
Stephee: i already have a shrink appt
My William, My Love : do you know what kind of test they will do
Stephee: it is in cullman
Stephee: an abdominal ultrasound
My William, My Love : there will be no sex here even if i were single these women are not that pretty
Stephee: i guess to see if i have cancer
My William, My Love : well thats not bad
Stephee: LOL
Stephee: no, but it is scary
My William, My Love : i know
Stephee: i have you a couple of CD's burned
Stephee: one you won't like but i did it to make you think of me hehehe
My William, My Love : youre 30000 miles away and youre facing this
Stephee: Nana will go with me she said
My William, My Love : what cd
Stephee: one is a mix of drowning pool, godsmack, seether
My William, My Love : the other
Stephee: the other is my CD along with seether and gidsmack...evanescence
Stephee: i did it b/c i consider one song to be our song
My William, My Love : thats not too bad
Stephee: whether you do or not
Stephee: LOL
My William, My Love : broken
Stephee: well, that one is my new us song
Stephee: the other is bring me to life
My William, My Love : oh thats a good choice
Stephee: why thank you
Stephee: have you received any packages yet?
My William, My Love : so im not getting a computer
My William, My Love : im getting a car
My William, My Love : im getting a washer and dryer
Stephee: well, by the time i get it paid for and shipped to me, and turn around and ship it to you, it will be about january or february
My William, My Love : im getting a vacuum cleaner
Stephee: I am going tomorrow to talk to a different Dodge place
Stephee: we have a vacuum
My William, My Love : so im getting a van too
Stephee: getting amanda's car
Stephee: and i am working on the washer and dryer details
My William, My Love : what else am i buying you lol
Stephee: LOL
My William, My Love : am i buying me anything
Stephee: cigarettes
My William, My Love : other than that
Stephee: do you have anything you want other than a computer?
My William, My Love : i dont understand why it would take that long to get here
Stephee: what about an MP3 player, a small one
My William, My Love : some underamour o d green shirts
My William, My Love : how would i download music onto it
My William, My Love : good
Stephee: Well, it would take me until about november to put the money away, after i pay off the rest of the bills, and then i would have to wait for it to get here, and I would have to re-pack it and send it to you which takes 4-8 weeks
Stephee: i would have to download it from the computer and send it to you
My William, My Love : ok
My William, My Love : shirts
Stephee: what is the o d just a name?
My William, My Love : shade of green like the tee shirts i have know
My William, My Love : its dark
Stephee: what size? Lg
Stephee: ok
My William, My Love : med
Stephee: ok
Stephee: so you want an mp3 player?
My William, My Love : time up i have to go now
My William, My Love : yes
Stephee: ok LOVE YOU
My William, My Love : bye
Yeah I let him off too easy. But what else can I do? I can't make him suffer more than he is already. He is already cut off from sex, LOL. He already has to eat sucky food. He already has stinky clothes he has to fool woth himself. He didn't say anything like he wanted to get back with her. But he needs to let go of the past. That was over 5 years ago. Almost 5 years. I understand he wants to reach out to someone and find the comfort he is looking for. I do too. The thing is that he and I are each other's comfort and we are too far away from each other to help. I guess we are being tested. By the evil gods who like to make me cry, LOL. Anyway, I am settled down now. I don't think he is lying about not having feelings for her. At least if he does, they aren't strong feelings. I don't want to think about it anymore. I want to pretend it didn't happen. Unless I need it for something later, LOL.
Stephee
<< Earlier * Later >>
