30 August 2004 * 19:34
So I was kind of upset this morning still. Of course. I don't even remember where it started. I do remember the final straw was talking to Mama T this morning. I just lost it and I kept crying and crying and crying and couldn't stop. I called the shrink's office I used to use and it didn't help. They can't see me without a referral from Tricare. So I call my PCM, who I haven't even seen yet, to see if I can get an emergency referral. Nope. So they made me an appointment for today instead of the 9th. I finally admitted to not 1 but 2 health care professionals that I have self destructive thoughts. Dr. Ashley, my PCM, even asked details. So I told him. He got me some meds. I am on Zoloft and Zyprexa now. They are looking for me a shrink who takes Tricare, other than the place I used before. I don't like it there. And they took blood to check for other problems...Diabetes, Thyroid problems...stuff like that. And I talked to him about my breathing problems. He seems to think all these "attacks" are related to sleep apnea. He is going to get me to a sleep clinic. He pretty much diagnosed me, but a specialist really has to do it.
So, after my trip to the doctor Amanda and I went to Wal-Mart. I killed off the last of my food stamps, and used the debit card even though there isn't enough money to cover what I spent. I just didn't care. I had gone from the depressed to the manic in a jiffy. It is freaky that your body can work in such a way. Dr. Ashley did tell me that sleep apnea would aggravate bipolar disorder. I think I figured that out, LOL. Anyway, I ordered Lauren a cupcake cake for her birthday. It will be a butterfly with pink, purple, and blue. Some yellow too I am sure. I also found a pair of necklaces that have butterfly pendants that I will give the girls. And for gifts I got them each a dress from Barbie's "The Princess and the Pauper." Kaylee's is the $20 dress and Lauren's is the $14 set with shoes and all. I also put Tinkerbell and Belle and a cape on lay-a-way for Christmas for Kaylee. I will have to add to it for little miss Lauren.
Well, I am cooking a pizza, and it smells yummy. OH! The Zyprexa is supposed to increase my appetite. Yay. The doc said I take it before bed and if I feel like I want to eat everything in the house to add a Benadryl to it. I don't understand how an anthistamine will make me not hungry, but I guess he knows something I don't huh?
So that is another day in the life of CrazyStephie. I hope you all enjoyed :)
Stephee
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