28 July 2004 * 18:41
I feel like crap. I woke up with my allergies botherng me. I spent the first half of the day with itchy eyes, and a stuffy and runny nose. Now I have a headache really bad. Mostly because of my brats. It feels like I am carrying a cement block in my head. Kaylee will not mind no matter what I do. I can scream and threaten and take things away and spank but nothing works. She doesn't behave, she tortures Lauren, who in turn screams at the top of her lungs for about 2 solid minutes. She pours her juice or milk out of her cup into her toys or on her body or in the floor. She chases the cats. If she catches them she squeezes them half to death. Today is a day I can see how parents shake their kids. I just want them to SHUT UP!!!!!! I want 5 damn minutes to myself. I am not going to make it with William gone. I am afraid I am going to end up in jail and losing my kids, I swear. I am obviously on the manic (anger for me) side. I am hating myself. I ate something greasy 2 days in a row, and my stomach was upset all day yesterday. I feel like a fat ugly cow. What normal women have to pluck about half a dozen hairs off their chins? Then around the sides of their faces. Who else has to shave every other day but really needs to every day? I feel like I am getting fatter even though I have lost a few pounds. I mean, one day this blob of fat just puffed up on my arm and made a couple of stretch marks. Only on one side. WTF?! My clothes seem tighter, but I haven't put any weight on. My teeth hurt. My wisdom teeth are killing me. I will be glad when I can cut them out. And have my gastric bypass and get rid of this fat! I am torn though. I want William to be here with me when I have my surgery. I know he could help me out and take care of me. I can't see anyone else doing that. I can hear Nana and Mom saying, "Well, you didn't have to have the surgery. You could have just done it on your own." LOL. OK, Lauren hasn't shut up the entire 5 minutes I have spent on this post. AGHSHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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