15 July 2004 * 19:16
I am so moody. I am kinda depressed again 
. I hate it too. I just get scared and my heart starts to pound and I feel tears start to well up. But I have been able to stop it. I haven't actually cried today. Mom seems to like to send all these sad things to me too. She sent me something today and I refused to do it. It was some song from a Mom about her son who was captured and MIA/POW for 2 years..blah blah blah. She sent me something about letters from the frontlines or something. I don't care. I know what they all feel like, I AM ONE OF THEM NOW. Why remind me of how much it hurts?
And today her boss brought her a hot oil treatment for her hair. They rag her about her hair and tell her she needs a style and this and that. But the moron won't tell them to shut up. So she deserves it if she won't stand up for herself. I swear.
And she told me Sal wants her to come to Cairo and get married. He wants her to try to get a job at the US Embassy while he is in Cairo training. Why the heck is she even doing this? She is so dumb. If it were me or Amanda she would rag us about staying with someone like him. He has cheated and lied and ignored her. God, she wanted me to divorce William just b/c he called and e-mailed Rachel. Now if he dips it somewhere else, I WOULD divorce him. Marriage is about a couple, not a couple and whoever they screw on the side. It is about love, friendship, safety, comfort, and making a family. It isn't just about sex and getting off. What is more important? The few minutes you feel good after an orgasm, or building a bond with someone for a lifetime?
Anyway, Jenn e-mailed me. She went to the doctor today. She is 35 weeks, measuring 35.5-36, Peyton's head is down, she is 50% effaced, and dialated 1 cm. So she is doing really well. I bet she goes early. She was afraid she would be late. Her Mom was 1 month overdue when she was born, LOL. Jenn stubborn....nooooooo. Hehehe.
I can't wait until Amanda starts to show. She will be so cute pregnant 
. I bet she gets the perfect basketball belly. I bet she doesn't gain weight anywhere else either. Well except for swollen feet and hands ;)
Tomorrow I get to go grocery shopping!!! YAY! Dad brought me a bunch of pizza one day and a family pack of ground chuck another. He paid my power and water and I still owe him rent. I will pay him, and he knows I will. I hope I can call and get the balance in the morning for our account. I am going to try to write a big check and see if it goes through. That is one way to find out. Go write a $500 check and if it doesn't cash then the backpay isn't there, LOL.
I finally got all the laundry done except for what we wore yesterday. And I even put it all away. I hate doing it for some strange reason.
Oh....Dad. He came over 2 or 3 time yesterday. He kept saying how the cats would stop him up. Then he came in whining about this and that and I told him the same thing was happening to me. He start a sentence with his big eyes and head cocked to one side, "Makes you wonder if somebody..." and I shot him a look and said, "NO! Nobody has done anything." He just changed the subject. Why can't it just be a freaking allergy? Why does he think anyone cares enough to poison him? I ought to just to finally make it true. Then Amanda and I can get all his land and sell it to a bunch of crack heads for $10. That is about all it is worth with Rick the wandering pervert and all the pine beetles. Sheesh.
See, I am moody. From sad to evil 
. Hmm, I wonder if I have bipolar disorder or something 
. Really though, as soon as insurance kicks in and I get a PCM (Primary Care Manager) I have GOT to get back on some mood meds 
. And not what I was taking b/c those threw me into a dark, scary place. I have the poems to prove it. And I need my wisdom teeth cut out. And gastric bypass. But no biggie, LOL. Maybe William will come home to a skinny wife. He would walk right past me if I got skinny, LOL. Or he would wonder who that woman was with his kids. I have already been losing a little though. I haven't been very hungry and when I do eat I get the ugly "d" word. 
ROFL.
OK, enough with the smiley stuff. I will go. I just needed something to do for a few minutes besides go nuts.
Stephee Lovin' My Marine 
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